Finding Your One Thing

“I know what I want to do, but I don’t know where to start.”

A few days ago a long-time friend reached out to me to talk about ways to generate side hustle income to make life easier. This is a smart guy, amazing husband and father, with a heart of gold, who has endured, and overcome several struggles through life. The one struggle he’s not yet overcome, is finding his “one thing” that will comfortably provide for his family while giving him the quality of life he, and his family, deserves.

I asked him to step outside of his current reality, set it aside, and dig deep within himself to answer the question, “What’s the one thing you want to wake up and do tomorrow, to provide income for your family?”

“I want to make the world a better place.”

I loved his answer. Because the truth is, if you have an idea for a business that solves a problem and makes the world better, you’re already a good distance down the road toward achieving your goal.

But, “making the world a better place” is a really big answer that can go in thousands of different directions. There are innumerable ways to make the world better. And if you don’t know which, of the thousands of different paths ahead of you, to begin walking, you’ll remain paralyzed at the intersection.

You have to pick one path, devote yourself fully to that single path, and begin taking steps forward. That path may diverge into other paths somewhere over the horizon, but your job, right now, is to choose the one path worthy of your full attention at this moment.

“Which path do I choose?”

The answer to this question isn’t going to be found in a book, a podcast, a blog article, a webinar or social media post. All of those things can help uncover or reinforce clues, but the real, and right answer, is found in only one place. And I believe that answer has been in that place, since the day of your conception.

The answer is within you.

The problem that so many of us have is that, later in life, in our 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, we’ve forgotten who we are and why we are here. We’ve been battered around by life, forced into survival mode, or lulled into a sort of career coma by either trauma, or comfort. And we just keep doing what we’ve always done, because we forgot what we were meant to do.

“How do I remember?”

Remembering who you are and why you’re here, and rediscovering your “one thing” requires taking the time to reacquaint yourself with the self that existed before life forced you into your coma.

That reacquaintance begins with asking yourself some questions. I’ll share them with you here. And then, when you have the time to be alone, without distraction, ask these questions of yourself and dig deep for the answers.

When you were younger than 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Crazy shit starts happening when we reach puberty and that’s when we begin wearing masks to please others, and things begin to send us in the direction of career coma. When you were a child, you likely had some thoughts about what you wanted to be when you grew up. Some were fantastical, like a superhero. But some were bound to the kind of person you were wired to be, like a nurse, for instance, because you were a child who loved caring for and helping other people when they were hurting.

When I was a child, I often wanted to be a teacher. I went into my coma for about 30 years, and then, at age 53, I became a teacher, just not in the traditional sense.

Make a list, and from that list, highlight the one career goal from your childhood, that feels most closely related to the kind of person you were (and still are when you find him/her again).

What games did you enjoy most as a child?

This is another clue. We all played all kinds of games as children, but you likely had a favorite, a default. There’s a good chance that your one favorite playtime activity is closely related to your “one thing” and is probably intertwined with the thing you most wanted to be when you grew up.

I had three favorite playtime activities as a child. I used to love playing “school” with me as the teacher, and friends & cousins as the students. I also enjoyed creating audio “programs” with my little tape recorder. And I created “publications” on pieces of paper, stapled together. In my childhood mind, I was a teacher and content creator. In my post-coma 50’s, I’m a teacher and a content creator.

What were you a master at, as a child, and into adulthood?

Think back to the things that your family, teachers, and friends, used to notice about you and compliment you for the most. There were likely one or more things that just came naturally to you. Everyone saw it. And all through your life, even into adulthood, people have complimented you on this thing or things. This is another clue pointing you toward your “one thing.”

My entire life, going back as far as I can remember, people have complimented me on my writing, public speaking, and ability to help people view things differently. And now, in my 50’s, I earn my living doing this, after decades of not earning my living doing this.

What were your nicknames?

Kids can be mean. And some of the labels placed upon you by peers were just cruel and were affixed by bullies struggling through their own brokenness. But others, maybe nicknames by people who loved you, friends, even teachers, are more clues about your “one thing” because those nicknames were derived from qualities and talents recognized in you by others that they admired and respected.

I had cruel nicknames related to my height (I’m a short guy), and the way my dad cut my hair. But I was also called “little professor” because I loved discovering things and showing them to others. My favorite toys were my microscope, electronics kit, and chemistry set. Again, in my 50’s, I earn my living by discovering things and showing them to others.

It’s time to connect the dots.

If you go through this exercise, you should have four answers, one dominant answer to each of the questions above. Fill in the blanks:

• I wanted to be a __________ when I grew up.
• More than anything else I loved to play __________ as a child.
• Over and over I’ve been told that I’m great at __________.
• The one positive nickname I remember from childhood was __________.

Now that you have those four answers, you’ve just been reacquainted with the real you, the you you were born to be, and you have a road map toward your “one thing.”

How can you connect the answers to those four questions and apply them to solving a problem and improving the world in such a way that will provide income for yourself, and give you a fulfilling, satisfying life? Write it out in one sentence.

Here’s my answer for myself:

“The ‘little professor’ who wanted to be a teacher, who loved discovering things and showing them to others through his natural abilities at speaking and content creation, has begun solving problems and improving the world by helping people remember who they are, why they’re here, and begin living the best, happiest, and most fulfilling version of their lives.”

Now, it’s your turn.

Reader, allow me to introduce you to…yourself.